I think I won the penis lottery.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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