Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
