i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
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