I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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