I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone came in the potted fern
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
