I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
