Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You can't motorboat a personality
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
