if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize