i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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