the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
