so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
