I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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