i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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