I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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