Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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