Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize