I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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