When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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