I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
