the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
