Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
