Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
