Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think your dad took our porno
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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