I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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