How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
