If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
