I'm really into asian looking animals
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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