ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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