Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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