I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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