Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
