Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
