i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
