my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
