i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
