dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
