Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
