I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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