waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
