I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
BRING THE BAGELS
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
