Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So many bounce houses so little time
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
