She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
