Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
