I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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