nut hugger
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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