1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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