I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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