Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
