I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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