I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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