I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
