my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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