You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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