True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
