We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
