Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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