Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize