turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
