I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
