why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
