My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
