no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
