careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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