so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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