You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize