I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
