I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
