dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had to cum in my sink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
