You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
