I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
