I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
