Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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