my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
