maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
