I wish I could punch you in the face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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