So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize