just survived the first fart of the relationship.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize