hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
