I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
