did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
