I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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