Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I understand Curling. That high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
