I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Farmville is her only friend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
