I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
