The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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