pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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