yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
