Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
