she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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