My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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